I think it’s time to log off the internet for a while.
Look, let's just get this out of the way now — if you scroll any further down and DON'T want to read about dozens of men trying to turn coconuts into fleshlights, just get out of here right now. OK?
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Last chance, bud. From here on down, this post is nothing but non-stop graphic descriptions of weird internet men trying to fornicate with coconuts.
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Alright, so, over the weekend, a Reddit user called coconutthrowaway69 (nice) wrote up an absolutely horrible story in a subreddit called r/TIFU or "Today I Fucked Up."
Anyway, around eight years back I lived in Northern Mozambique, a coastal southern African country with quite a warm climate. My mother at the time was going through a 'health nut' phase and only buying foods she deemed healthy enough. One of these was coconuts. She would buy several coconuts a week to use in food from the local market.